4 Words You Need to Rethink

In the words of Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” James 3 expounds on this, calling the tongue “a restless evil” and “full of deadly poison.”

Since the day that was written, the tongue—which we now might say encompasses words texted or typed—has not shed any of its power. Most of us have heard the line, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but most of us also know it’s both untrue and ridiculous. Proverbs 12:18 declares that the words of the reckless pierce like swords. We are too wise and know by experience that indeed “the tongue has the power of life and death.”

The tragic part is that while most people know the feeling of being deeply, profoundly pierced and scarred by words, those same people don’t hesitate to use sarcasm or exaggeration at another’s expense. We live in a “I speak fluent sarcasm” culture and take more pride in our ability to manipulate words or have the better comeback than our ability to use words to comfort and lift others up. To quote Paul, my brothers, this should not be.

The following are four words I’ve noticed people tend to throw around. There’s nothing wrong with any of these words. On the contrary, they are words we can employ to communicate forcefully and biblically—but only if we treat them and use them with the thoughtfulness they deserve.

1. Hate

In the past seven or so years, I can only recall using this word once. However, I hear it all the time. “I hate it when...” “You know what I hate?” I wonder if we reserved this and the next few words for the appropriate occasion if we wouldn’t find ourselves tongue-tied when the time comes to communicate as forcefully as we’d like.

2. Wicked

This one I don’t hear as much as I used to, but it still pervades certain crowds. And group chats.

“Wicked” pervades the Bible, specifically the Old Testament. Psalm 10 offers some key insight into the wicked man. He is arrogant. He pursues the poor and vulnerable and boasts of the desires of his soul. In his pride the wicked man does not seek God, his sacrifice is an abomination (Prov. 21:27), and he goes about sowing discord (Prov. 6:14). The wicked seek many things, but they are not a people of peace (48:22, 57:20). Their mouths pour out lies (Prov. 15:28), and the Lord is far from them (Prov. 15:29). Eventually, says Psalm 34:21, their own evil will slay them.

The good news is that this was who God rescued us from being. The human heart is deceitful, sick, and wicked, and yet we use this term to describe the ziplining trip we took over Memorial Day.

3. Sinful

“Sinfully delicious.” We could call this the redemption of a word, but the only redemption of what was truly sinful was possible because of the Word. The true meaning of sin has become so “intolerant” and disturbing broadly that rather than adjusting to what it actually means, we’ve adjusted its definition to make it more light-hearted and to make us less uncomfortable. The sad part is that with such twisted definitions, the real meaning of sin has come to be seen not even as an alternative but as old-fashioned and religious in a society that is not.

Not that I hear Christians use this word regularly to describe the deliciousness of their cheesecake, or that we should outlaw humor. My point is that we should be careful to not dilute a word—especially a biblical word that carries so much weight in the story of truth—by joking about it more than we are “sober and vigilant” (1 Pet. 5:8).

4. Love

We now come to the only word I think I hear more than hate: love. We love our spouse. We love our church. We love our pizza. But we don’t feel the same about each one. Our loves look different, but we have the same word (or use the same word) to describe each relationship or experience.

The issue with love, I think, is sincerity. Culturally, we face a poverty of sincerity. No one means what they say, or it’s difficult to tell if they do mean it, and then you don’t know with what motive they’re saying it. What does love look like? Where do we look, when it’s not uncommon to hear people say they love their parents and their cat, and they treat them the same way.

Thankfully, we have 1 John 4:10: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Sacrificial. Unconditional. Undeserved. Love.

Of course, there are other words we could add to the list, not necessarily to stop using but to use wisely (like “great” and “good,” for example). Another would be “justice,” but that’s a whole other post.

Words and Our Culture

I wonder if part of the reason we have become so corrupted linguistically is that our strongest words we have forfeited and demoted to everyday usage. As a result, we have no choice but to resort to less tasteful language to get our stronger points across (although part of me thinks our sinful nature prefers this and enjoys the opportunity).

I also have to wonder if our demoting any of these terms has had anything to do with how we’ve come to take God less seriously. When Psalm 45 says that God loves righteousness and hates wickedness, does that resonate? Jesus speaks in Matthew 6 of serving God versus money: “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” Does that come across as forceful?

Perhaps we need to reserve strong words for strong communication. You don’t need what we might call bad language to communicate effectively. If a person needs to resort to such, it is not because we have a lack of strong words but because semantic shortcuts are easier, and they achieve the desired result, and effective, compelling communication and a command of the English language are skills that must be practiced.

Words and the Bible

As we read in Colossians, “You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (Col. 3:4-5). Filthy language. In some versions, this is translated as “abusive” language, or obscene speech. Even the way you spoke was an indicator of what kingdom you belonged to (Prov. 8:13). You were boastful and proud (1 Cor. 13:4). You gossiped (Prov. 16:28).

But now you are to walk and talk differently. Now, practice speech that is soaked in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience and helpful for building others up (Eph. 4:29). It may take time to put to death an old vocabulary; old habits are hard to break. But surround yourself with the right people, begin training in new habits, and start sowing new seed, and by God’s grace you will see change.

A side note here: The world will say that the only way to build someone up is to improve their self-esteem. However, at the root of this is the assumption that our feelings are the measure or standard of truth, and relying on self-esteem or self-centered efforts will only lead to a false peace.

As Christians we cannot ask the question, “What is wanted?” but “What is needed?” As a friend of mine once put it, “What is my duty as a believer in my words?” Of course, we must be discerning and tactful (Prov. 10:32). At the same time, we cannot be governed by how we think our words will be received. Sometimes silence is wise (“If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.” Job 13:5). Silence can also be cowardice. The wise man knows when to speak (Eccl. 3:7).

Neither can we confuse gentleness with weakness. “Pleasant,” “gracious,” or “gentle” words are a honeycomb (Prov. 16:24), and a gentle tongue can break a bone (Prov. 25:15). Wisdom and strength know the power of gentle words. Fools give full vent to their rage; the wise bring calm in the end (Prov. 29:11). Who do you want to be?

On a final note, and this may be part of our individualistic culture, but it seems in vogue nowadays to say you don’t have a filter. It’s genuine. It’s authentic. But does that translate to loving?

I remember being at a pool some years ago with some (Christian) friends of mine. As we reclined with our feet in the water, they began talking about not having a filter, the importance of saying whatever comes to mind in the name of genuineness, and the need for those around them to develop thicker skin.

I am not opposed to practicing better communication, and having thick skin is something we all need. However, we need our friends and family to be our secure base, not be like the rest of the world that feels like it’s out to get us.

And then there’s the filter. What does Psalm 141:3 say? “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” It is biblical to have a filter! Not everything we think or that will come into our minds will be helpful for building others up according to their needs. As mentioned above, the words of the reckless pierce like swords. The tongue of the wise brings healing, and the lips of the righteous feed many (Prov. 10:21).