7 Tips for Dealing with Regrets

I was once asked how we can redeem ourselves after we have acted foolishly or unintentionally said the wrong thing. These are not always sinful choices; they may be social faux paus, but they cause us so much embarrassment! We have blown our reputation. Who will ever think of us as dignified and respectable again? We just want to start over, change our name, and move to New Zealand.

Regrets can range from missing an answer we knew on a final exam to engaging in gossip we knew was wrong. We regret both those small mistakes that did not really make a difference and those decisions that sadly had tremendous repercussions.

Whatever the case, dealing with regrets first means deciding whether it will make a difference when we stand before God. Will it matter in eternity? Did I rebel against a precept that God has established? Did I violate my conscience? Did I knowingly do the wrong thing or knowingly not do the right thing? Did another person suffer?

Introspection usually results in one of two warped, self-centered perspectives. Indulging in an inward worship of our own past performance results in pride, leaving God unneeded and ignored in the shadows. On the other hand, obsessing about the shame we think we have brought upon ourselves leads us down a path of self-loathing. Shame and arrogance set in as we doubt our identity in Christ and His love and acceptance toward us.

Here are seven tips I have found to be helpful when dealing with regrets:

Repent

If you have sinned or become a stumbling block to someone else, kneel and repent. Ask the Lord to expose the darkness that lies dormant, the hidden motive we do not want to confront, and the sin we want to justify (Ps. 139). Do not just acknowledge sin; confess it. Repentance puts us back in control and restores us to communion with God. When we choose to repent, we can pray like David, “Restore to me the joy of my salvation” (Ps. 51:12).

Reconcile

Approach the person you hurt. After seeking God’s forgiveness, we then need to seek the forgiveness of others (Matt. 5:23). Make every effort to live at peace (Heb. 12:14). Acknowledge that the other person has a right to be angry and upset and take the high road of humility.

Remember

Remember the truth. One of my favorite passages is Isaiah 54:17: “‘No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the Lord.” Whether this regret was a sin or simply a gaffe, cling to the truth. We live for an audience of one. What matters is what God thinks.

Resist

Resist the accuser and deceiver. Submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee (Jas. 4:7). Stand firm, armed with the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. Identify Satan’s lies and combat them with truth. Is he saying you are unforgivable? Is he lying to you about what others may think? If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 Jn. 1:9). Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe (Prov. 29:25).

Respond

Combat reemerging regrets with prayer. Remember that you have been forgiven (Eph. 1:7). If God invites us to pray continually and without ceasing (1 Thess. 5), He must be listening. We have the freedom to approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need (Heb. 4:16). He is always with us, and we can feel free to tell Him what we are thinking and feeling.

Recite

Recite Scripture that will give you confidence in Christ. Live in the light. He has taken your guilt and shame. Refuse to live in the false reality of who you think or feel you are, or of what you wish you could change, and rest in His reality. Beware of the fear of man. He will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in Him (Is. 26:3).

Rejoice

Rejoice! Rejoice in the Lord (Phil. 4:4). Once we have repented, we can rejoice in the promise of God’s forgiveness and thank Him for His thoughts toward us. The object of our minds should not be our regret or what other people are thinking. We are to fix our thoughts and set our affections on Christ (Heb. 3:1). We cannot leave regrets undealt-with, but if we persist in clinging to worry, fear, and pride, they will become weights that keep us from running fully toward to the prize of heaven.