Are You My People?

There’s a book I remember as a child I later learned was published almost forty years before I was born. Are You My Mother? is a classic about a little bird searching for his mother. The kitten is not his mother. The hen is not his mother. The boat is not his mother. He knows he has a mother but is at a loss for where to look.

Sometimes looking for a community of likeminded people can be a challenge. We may feel like Elijah, who thought he was all by himself: “The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Ki. 19:10).

God’s response? “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him” (v. 18).

No one will agree with us on everything, but we are called to and designed for community. Are you looking for your people? Are you looking for a mentor or friend? These may be some things to consider:

1. Soft countenances

Who is like the wise? Who knows the explanation of things? Wisdom brightens a man’s face and changes its hard appearance. Ecclesiastes 8:1

In the words of the NET, “a person’s wisdom brightens his appearance, and softens his harsh countenance.” Start with soft countenances. They are indicative of wisdom.

In my own life, I have been extremely blessed to know many soft countenances, both within my church and outside my church. They are often older but not always. They are humble, and they have the joy and gentleness of the Lord. They do not preach to themselves their own goodness but are faithful fellow believers (Prov. 20:6).

2. Sensitive consciences

The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.

Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” 1 Samuel 24:4-6

By a sensitive conscience I do not mean a weak conscience. I am not referring to someone who easily stumbles or ruminates over confessed sins. I am referring to someone who does not sweep stuff under the rug. I am referring to someone who won’t rationalize their poor choices or sinful or hurtful behavior. I am talking about the few who have the courage to confront their own feelings of guilt to see if they’re true or false and to humbly and immediately reconcile when necessary.

Essentially, these are the people whose consciences God can prick, and they listen. This was one of Jonathan Edwards’ 65 Resolutions: “Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination.” These are people who pay attention when their feelings are “out of order.”

The context of 1 Samuel 24 is David running from Saul and Saul pursuing him, to the point of unknowingly spending the night in the same cave. Surely this was no coincidence. At least that’s what David’s men thought. This was clearly an opportunity from the Lord. So, David crept up and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe.

However, we read that David was “conscience-stricken.” Surely, he was entirely justified. Saul was seeking to kill him, after all, and his companions didn’t see anything wrong with it. On the contrary, they seemed to expect that David would kill Saul. What’s a piece of his robe? David had received a promise from God that he would inherit the throne of Israel, and he had already shown great restraint in choosing to spare Saul’s life and letting God fulfill His own promise.

Yet his heart troubled him.

To David’s conscience, cutting off even a corner of Saul’s robe was an act against his kingly authority, authority which was from God. From the outside, it seems trivial, but to David it was crushing. He was a man after God’s own heart and was sensitive to His standards and His lead.

In the New Testament, there is the similar need to keep our consciences clear “before God and man” (Ac. 24:16). At the same time, our consciences can be deceptive (1 Cor. 4:4, 8:7) corrupt (Tit. 1:15), weak (1 Cor. 8:7), and seared (1 Tim. 4:2). This is why we must draw near to God, who can properly inform our consciences (1 Jn. 3:20-21) so that we can properly love one another (1 Tim. 1:5).

Are you looking for your people? Look for those who are bothered by wrong, can humbly reconcile, and prioritize a clear conscience. You never know. Many times, when I’m examining or working to clear my own conscience, God will use that situation to bless me with an insight I wouldn’t have learned any other way.

3. Deep waters

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Proverbs 20:5

One way this verse has been interpreted is in discerning a person’s true motives. Another interpretation (which also requires understanding and is similar) involves drawing out the hidden parts or morsels of wisdom.

We ought to be, and ought to commune with, people of deep waters, philosophers in the truest sense (philos, meaning friend or lover, and sophos, meaning wisdom, lovers of wisdom). Certain thoughts or counsel may “lie deep within a man” and “not be immediately apparent.” It takes a person of understanding through prudent questions and the observation of his words and actions, or her words and actions, to draw this wisdom out. Essentially, not only should we be people who seek wisdom but those who know how to seek it in others.

Let us be people of deep waters.

Of course, we should never restrict our circle to only those who are beyond us. We are not to be of the world, but we are to be in it. When Paul warns the Corinthians to not associate with certain people (idolaters, slanderers, drunkards, and swindlers), he clarifies that he’s talking about those who “claim to be a brother” and still practice these things. “I don’t mean people of the world who act this way,” he says. “If I did, you would have to leave the world!” (1 Cor. 5:10).

In the same way, knowing who our people are is not about judging those or not associating with those who desperately need both love and truth.

Rather, it’s about knowing who our iron is and striving to be the same (Prov. 27:17).