Be Ashamed Only of Sin

Recently on a morning walk, I was reminded of how I used to feel a sense of shame because of certain non-sinful things. Living with my parents, for example, and not having an income as a teenager.

It’s strange how even though I knew these decisions weren’t wrong and actually had benefits, because of conversations with people who took a different position, I questioned their validity. I was having a daily quiet time, involved in my church, and seeking to honor God, but I was still asked questions that made me wonder, “Maybe I’m doing it wrong.”

What I wish I would’ve known then is that I need not be ashamed of anything but sin. I’m just grateful God provided people to affirm me when I needed it most.

John Chrysostom once noted, “Be ashamed of sin, not when you repent.” The shame and guilt that stem from sin we reason away at our peril. These are the natural responses of a living conscience, alleviated by confession and repentance. He who conceals his sin will not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy (Prov. 28:13). Be ashamed of sin by all means, but don’t be ashamed to repent.

There is real guilt when we do something wrong. Yet the expectations, values, and norms of our culture in a way create a false guilt. Rather than be ashamed of something wrong, we may feel embarrassed about decisions we believe honor the Lord.

I remember as a teenager on multiple occasions feeling guilty for not working (i.e. having an income). Friends of mine were working in fast food chains and department stores. While I spent my time serving in our church and community—good things—at times I felt like I wasn’t “contributing.” I had to be reminded that I was contributing in a different way.

And then there’s living with mom and dad. I remember a specific conversation with a woman at a church event who asked why I was still “living off my parents.” I never felt more like a parasite. I was nineteen and proceeded to calmly explain the benefits of living at home during this time. She looked at me skeptically but seemed to understand where I was coming from.

To be clear: This is not to judge anyone who chooses to work early or live on campus during their college years. The choices I made I’m not presenting as the right or godly decision. My point is that as Christians (particularly young people) we can sometimes be made to feel ashamed of certain choices not because they’re wrong but because they don’t line up with our culture’s expectations.

A final example is that of chastity until marriage. One time I came across an article that noted how losing one’s virginity is now seen as the rite of passage into adulthood. How backward is that? Such a thing may be common but doesn’t equate to maturity.

This reminds me of a quote from Vince Havner: “People used to blush when they were ashamed. Now they are ashamed if they blush.” In other words, we’ve been conditioned to be embarrassed by our high standards. We are “ashamed if we blush.”

I think of Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” If we’ve confessed, we need not be ashamed of who we once were. We should neither be ashamed of how the gospel has affected our lives and decision-making. God is first; we are second. If we’re stuck on pleasing men, as Paul says, we are not servants of Christ (Gal. 1:10).

Like love and fear, shame is a powerful force, yet because the Lord is our Helper, we can be confident that ultimately we will not be ashamed (Is. 50:7). Echoing Isaiah 8, Romans 9:33 declares, “See, I lay in Zion a stone... and the one who believes in him will never be put to shame.”

With some decisions, God’s Word is clear about right and wrong. With others, like where to live or attend school, it’s a matter of conscience. Godliness and submission to God are what count. Sin may and should cause us to feel shame, but obeying in faith and asking for the wisdom He promises to provide (Jas. 1:5), we have no need to feel embarrassed.

One day it dawned on me how shame depends on the people around you. This is why one practice in a certain country, society, or culture can be accepted as normal, while in another, it is judged as wrong. When the people around us are pursuing one thing, and we’re pursuing another, we feel like the black sheep, the ugly duckling. Standing alone requires courage and resolve, which is why we need to be supported and affirmed. We need the right people around us.

There’s one movie quote I’ve always appreciated: “You don’t need everyone to love you. Just a few good people.” We are not looking for the approval of the world. The support of a good few is all that is needed, which is why God created the church. And marriage. “Two are better than one, because... if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Eccl. 4:9-10).

Perhaps the most important takeaway is to not feel embarrassed—after reading God’s Word, prayerfully pursuing His will, and seeking wise counsel—by a choice you believe is His will for your life, in whatever season. Live in such a way that you will not be ashamed before God and the people that matter. Be ashamed only of unconfessed sin.