Breaking Free From Comparison (Part 1)

Comparison, especially with women, happens more than we would like to admit. Not tall enough. Not old enough. Not young enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not social enough. Not skinny enough. Not successful enough. The list goes on. The temptation of discontentment is incredibly pervasive. Whole industries depend on our tendency to compare, and social media does not help.

How do we overcome this tendency? I go back to Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” What are my goals? Whose approval satisfies me? Who am I imitating? When I compare myself, who am I trying to please? It is not the one who commends himself who is approved but the one whom the Lord commends (2 Cor. 10:18).

When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to either think too much of ourselves or too much of others at our expense. Neither is healthy. To escape the trap of comparison, we must be grounded in truth of who God is and who we are.

Overcoming the negative consequences of comparison is three-fold:

Compare Yourself to Yourself

Clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson, while not a Christian, has some important wisdom to share: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” As a Christian, I look back even to a year ago, and the result is encouragement, gratefulness, and praise to God for His faithfulness, patience, and provision. Don’t let envy or discontentment paralyze you and confess any sin to God. Diligently develop your gifts. Prayerfully pursue your goals, and patiently wait on the perfect timing of God.

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

Overcoming comparison means responding correctly to others’ success. Exodus 20:17 instructs us to not covet our neighbor’s house, our neighbor’s wife, his manservant or his maidservant, or anything that belongs to him. Faced with the skill and success of others, we can choose to be inspired, not discouraged. Remember those magic words, “I’m happy for you.” Our happiness and contentment and others’ happiness are not mutually exclusive.

Comparison is not a trap but a chance to make someone else feel special. We should encourage and support others, not envy them, and rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom. 12:15). We can be happy for and inspired by others without succumbing to feelings of self-deprecation and discouragement. Secure in our identity in Christ, we do not need to compare ourselves for validation.

Adopt an Eternal Perspective

Most importantly, escaping the trap of comparison means adopting an eternal perspective. I appreciate what Bob Goff has to say: “We will not be distracted by comparison if we are captivated by purpose.” Value what God values and surround yourself with people who affirm that. Your purpose may not look the same as someone else’s purpose. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever (Is. 40:8). Identify God's priorities and invest in what will last.

Refocusing on God means refusing to focus on who you would like to be and embracing and enjoying who God created you to be. This is not a free pass to be angry, bitter, lazy, selfish, or arrogant in the name of “God creating me that way.” Embracing God’s design means resting in His sovereignty while allowing Him to renew, restore, and transform us. A key part of combatting comparison is choosing thankfulness. Every good gift is from God, and He knows what He is doing.