Modesty, Beauty, and Sex: 3 More Truths on Why What We Wear Matters

In a previous post, I addressed the conversation around clothing and dress in the church and the pitfalls we’re susceptible to. More recently, I talked about giving thought to whose name we’re wearing. I’d like to add to that.

1. Dress directs our attention.

First, what we wear can make us self-conscious or give us permission to be others-focused. In other words, not only do I not want to distract others; I don’t want to distract myself! I don’t want to be concerned with what someone might see if I bend over too far or sit down the wrong way. When I’m concerned with managing my appearance, I can’t love or listen to others as I’d like. Modesty, then, isn’t just about not showing too much. It’s about wearing something that’s both flatteringly elegant and practically safe.

An article from a secular journal several years ago put it this way: “A fundamental characteristic of modesty... is the fact that it is not simply a self-regarding attitude, but is instead a profoundly other-regarding stance.” In other words, modesty doesn’t just entail how we view ourselves and our worth but involves and remains closely tied to how we view and respect others. If I love my neighbors, I want to dress in a way that will not cause me to be consumed with myself but allow me to love them well.

2. Dress reflects our allegiance.

I remember the first time I read Zephaniah, one of those minor prophets full of rich truth that everyone either underestimates or ignores. Chapter 1 describes God’s complete judgment over the whole earth. According to His promise, He will “sweep away everything... the birds in the sky and the fish in the sea” in addition to utterly destroying “the idols that cause the wicked to stumble” (v. 3).

And then we come to verse 8: “On the day of the Lord’s sacrifice, I will punish the officials and the king’s sons and all those clad in foreign clothes.” What an interesting turn. Foreign clothes?

The culprit, of course, was idolatrous syncretism. There had begun to be those who knew of God but chose to “turn back from following the Lord and neither seek the Lord nor inquire of him” (v. 6). Idolatry had set in and caused Judah’s leaders—the officials and the king’s sons, who should’ve been an example—to be “ashamed of their national identity” and so imitate the foreign attire, styles, and customs of the pagan nations around them. Their hearts were off, and it showed it their choice of dress.

For us, it may not be the style or color that is inherently ungodly but the desiring of or being drawn toward that which dishonors God, that through which we may fulfill the selfish inclinations of our hearts.

Ladies, we want to turn heads. We like that. But just a few verses later in Zephaniah 1:7, we read, “Be silent before the Sovereign Lord, for the day of the Lord is near. The Lord has prepared a sacrifice; he has consecrated those he has invited.” Let us dress in such a way that honors how we have been consecrated and set apart as ambassadors not just from something but for works of righteousness.

3. Dress protects our value.

How we dress reflects how we view ourselves. First Corinthians 6 teaches that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that they’re gifts and trusts of God. We are not our own; we were purchased at a great price and are therefore exhorted to honor God with our bodies. We treat them as sacred, which means protecting, covering, and honoring. Do we treat our bodies as sacred?

Pope John Paul II once noted how “sexual modesty... protects the value of a person.” A caveat here. A person’s (particularly a woman’s) inherent value is not determined by how she dresses. She is created in the image of God. The value is already there. How she dresses can remind others of this truth and inspire honor and respect or lead to contempt and disdain.

The world encourages us as women to dress in a way that (in the words of another) “highlights our sexual capacity.” It is by this standard the world seeks to measure us. It is we who must resist.

A Word on Modesty

This may not be news to some readers, but modesty is more than how we dress. It is an attitude. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines it as “that lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one’s own worth and importance... manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.”

Webster continues. Synonymous with “moderation” and “decency,” “modesty” in “females” results from “purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor.” Wow. Proverbs 31, Part Two.

Simply put, modesty does not determine our value. However, it does protect it. Modesty does not just cover the body; it allows the person to be seen.

Drawing from Jean-Paul Sartre and John Paul II, Micah McMeans at the Conciliar Post says it this way:

We are “modest” in order to be seen as persons with value, not sexual “things” to be used. Modesty, then, can be understood as an affirmation of one’s dignity. It protects our status as persons, for clothing ourselves allows others to see the person that exists beyond our body and its sexual parts. In this sense, we cover ourselves to be truly seen... The immodest person is not one who fails to dress in accordance with an “objective standard,” but one who intentionally dresses in such a way as to receive value from one’s body rather than one’s value as a person.

He goes on to say (I believe rightly) that we all desire to be loved and valued not for how we can be used but for who we are. Modesty furthers this idea.

I want to be careful here of unbiblical dualism. We are embodied spirits, as God intended. Our bodies are important. I don’t want to dismiss or downplay that.

However, we are more than the physical, and we want to be valued for more than the sexual. Our bodies, while good, are to be sexualized not for the public but for a person, not for the masses but in a marriage. In that context, one man and one woman, as in the Garden, can be “naked and unashamed.” As McMeans notes in the same article, in a marriage relationship we can set aside our shame because we have the kind of loving context we were seeking all along. We have been accepted as we are, not just as bodies, but as persons.

Beauty in the Church

I have increasingly seen many in the church scorn what is beautiful because they have (forgive me) bought into the culture’s skewed definition of it and confused fair, attractive elegance with what is really provocative sensualism. As a result, because we see and judge the world for its pseudo-beauty, we seek what we are deceived into thinking is its opposite: ugliness and prudishness.

However, we reflect the image of God, and as women there is a beauty of His we are designed to embody and reflect (thought imperfectly) and with which we ought to edify others.

And while I appreciate women who have their makeup down, you don’t need a tutorial. Once in a great while I will come across a young woman (maybe I know her name, maybe I don’t) who embodies this authentic grace and beauty. She may or may not be wearing makeup. She may be wearing a skirt or pants. Yet she is put together. There is a gentleness about her eyes and manner, and I cannot deny that this thought enters my head as I cannot take my eyes off her: “Wow, she is truly beautiful.”

Caught between the prevalent and normalized sensualism of our culture and our churches’ tendency to overcompensate, we as women may feel trapped, that there’s no one we can please, that there’s nowhere we belong. Attractive. Symmetrical. Sexy. Intelligent. Gifted. Thin. We fall short at every measure.

It would be wrong of me to end by advocating any culturally-imposed standard; even if my final line was something like, “Remember, no skirts above the knees, and no spaghetti straps! Have a good day!” I would still feel like I was missing the mark. As I’ve noted before, good dress codes can be healthy guidelines, but what matters more are personal standards and codes stemming from a heart that is healthy with God.

My sisters, choose beauty. Shop prayerfully, and purge your wardrobe of anything that caters to lesser inclinations. Be mindful of colors. Give your sisters, your brothers, the church, and the world a taste of the beauty of God.

Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants,

and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace...

Psalm 144:12