The Counterfeit Diamond

Everyone wants to be popular. It’s fun. You’re the life of the party. You feel well-liked. Yet, it seems to me that as most are seeking popularity, they are missing the real gem that will last far longer than any counterfeit satisfaction.

What is this hidden gem? Perhaps it is not what you think: respect. Like a jewel, it develops with time. It can also be harder to gauge. It has no correlation to personality, family, status, or height. Nonetheless, it is more worth the having because it remains the result of tested and enduring integrity and character. You may seek out your popular friend for a good time, but to whom do you turn when you’re facing a crisis? To whom do you turn for wise counsel?

Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, popularity does not cure loneliness nor is it the key to satisfaction. This is because popularity means conforming to the expectations of the moment, pleasing others at one’s own expense, and giving them the power to define who you are and mold whom you become. While we tend to think of popularity as a quality that makes a good leader, in actuality the popularity-seeker is a slave to the fickle preferences of his peers.

In his research, Stephen Covey uncovered how “success literature” during the first 150 years of American history focused on matters of character. However, post-World War II, a shift occurred. Rather than heroism and leadership revolving around character (courage, commitment, integrity), personality and image took center stage. What and whom we honor as a culture has in some ways shifted; however, what makes a true leader remains unchanged. Charisma may open some doors, but character bears fruit that will last.

None of this, of course, means that popularity and respect, or character, are mutually exclusive. One may have solid character and still be popular. The question is, for what are you aiming? Aim for good character, and you may have popularity thrown in. Aim for popularity, and you’ll eventually have to sacrifice your character.

It’s not wrong to want to be liked. We like being liked. It gives us a sense of value and belonging, but it’s too subjective to build ourselves around. The problem is not wanting to be liked but rather looking to that for our identity, unwittingly building the road to our own destruction.

Jesus wasn’t interested in being popular or likable. Not everyone liked Him and those who did, did for mixed reasons. His concern was not likability but love, grace, and truth.

Campaigning for popularity ultimately is a pursuit of the self. Empty. Exhausting. Unrewarding and never satisfying. I read a quote once that read, “Popular culture is a place where pity is called compassion, flattery is called love, propaganda is called knowledge, tension is called peace, gossip is called news, and auto-tune is called singing.” Nothing is for real because everything is for the moment and for self, and popularity and eternity are mutually exclusive pursuits.

Keep watch. A hopeful word is coming.