The Men Women Need

I hesitated at first about whether to publish this post. But here it is.

Legend has it that Earnest Shackleton, Irish explorer to the Antarctic, near the turn of the last century published the following ad in an English newspaper: “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.”

Whether the ad was actually published by Shackleton is questionable. However, examining the finer points of this mystery is not my intent here. Even if the ad didn’t originate with him, it does seem to reflect his spirit. For at least one expedition, 5,000 men applied to join his team; of those he chose 26. He knew what he was looking for.

The “Men Wanted” slogan has been applied to numerous campaigns, many of them faith-related or spiritual in nature. The shortage of principled men in our age is obvious. While it’s easy to blame them, the women, parenting styles, and cultural values and institutions (indeed, even the church) have had a larger role in this than perhaps we care to admit. But that’s a post for another time.

What we need are decisive men. Men who take initiative. Men who are respectable and trustworthy and worth submitting to. That part may not be new, but this may be: that men, far beyond what you know, by taking the lead, you make it easier for us as women to pursue godliness and submit as we should.

As I’ve discussed in other posts, we all have needs. For identity. For significance. For purpose. One thing that has become increasingly apparent to me is women’s deep need for security. It’s what propels us, and if this need isn’t met, we struggle to achieve balance or think about anything else.

I am not saying women aren’t adventurous or can’t be spontaneous. However, few women will feel free to pursue “adventure” without security in some form. Maybe it’s financial. Maybe it’s relational, but something is stable.

Over the past few years, I have been partnering with God in growing in submission. Throughout Scripture, submission to the right people is repeatedly encouraged, exhorted, and rewarded (1 Pet. 3:5, 5:5). This doesn’t mean there aren’t situations or relationships in which we need (and are called) to take the lead. The Proverbs 31 woman rises while it’s still dark to provide food for her family. The older women in Titus 2 are to teach the younger women what is good. It’s not unbiblical to see how in some relationships women may function as providers and protectors. Even so, we are called to an attitude and position men are not.

As women, our attitude toward our authorities and God-given heads ought to be that of submission. Yet when our leaders aren’t people we can respect, we struggle to submit.

Think of it this way. I’ll use modesty as a comparison. As Christians, and as women, we have freedoms, but there are choices we can make that can promote godliness in our brothers. We aren’t responsible necessarily for their stumbling, thoughts, or actions, but we can make love-based decisions that for others make godly obedience easier.

In the same way, men, when you take charge, when you create order, it makes it easier for us to submit. That doesn’t mean we won’t try to get our way sometimes. Part of the curse is our desire to rule over you (Gen. 3:16). We wrestle with the tension and pull of our creational desires (pleasing you) and fallen desires (pleasing ourselves).

But when you are acting as God created you to be, it doesn’t interrupt the growth we might be experiencing in this department. We don’t have to step out of our God-given role to meet our God-given need for security.

Again, I’m not saying this gives our leaders the right to be tyrannical (they have authorities, too), that all women are called to submit to all men, or that as ladies we can’t or shouldn’t lead or have influence. Most of us do or will at some point.

There are also times when submission may not be the right course of action. Two examples that come to mind are when we’re asked to do something that’s against God’s Word or that will put someone (including ourselves) in danger. Even so, submission, along with a gentle and quiet spirit, ought to be among the virtues we cultivate.

As men and women, we face different, sex-related temptations, but that doesn’t mean God made a mistake. Looking covetously over the fence at the other, male or female, thinking one has it easier, is the wrong takeaway.

As Christians, our concern should be to live righteously and seek to obey God in the role and context He has called us to. Strangely enough, it is that obedience that not only furthers sanctification in ourselves but can help our brothers and sisters pursue godliness as well. It may require sacrifice, but to that I say, “Honour and recognition in event of success.”