To Train Up a Child

There are at least two schools of thought on what it means to “train up a child” in the way he should go (Prov. 22:6). To adequately prepare children for living in the world, some say they should be sheltered from worldly influences. Others believe children should be exposed to such influences and learn to face and deal with them.

I would stand in the middle ground between these two positions, though probably lean more towards the sheltered end. Still, as children grow and become exposed to more of the world, that will change. Let me say first that I am not a parent and still learning but was encouraged to post this anyway. If parenthood ever becomes a reality for me, I would seek to apply these ideas as I have observed other families (and my own) implement them into everyday life.

Frankly, I’m not sure we should sacrifice children’s relative innocence to be “in tune” with the world. In many ways, this is a decision of values. My goal would not be for children to become “wise” in the worldly wisdom that will pass away (1 Cor. 2). I would want them to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ (2 Pet. 3:18) and in wisdom and stature, in favor with God and men (Lk. 2:52).

Jesus invites us to seek first His kingdom and righteousness, trusting that He will provide for our needs (Matt. 6:33). This does not mean we dominate children’s schedules or squash their sense of independence. Rather, we understand the world in light of God’s Word and never at the expense of character.

In their formidable years, children are influenced by virtually everything and do not yet have a developed biblical filter. A friend of mine learned in first grade about homosexuality and upon returning home, told her Christian mother that she thought it was completely fine. I am not saying it is irresponsible to send children to school. I went. I’m simply emphasizing the reality that children are impressionable.

Even “smart” children are unprepared to be exposed to, much less engage, the sinful inventions of our world. But we shouldn’t raise them in a monastery; even Jesus prayed not that His disciples would be taken out of the world but that God would protect them in it (Jn. 17:15).

Clearly, God does not tell us everything (Ac. 1:7, Rev. 10:4). For some knowledge, it is simply not the time. As Jon Bloom writes in his article, like a wise Father, God knows “when knowledge is too heavy for us. He is not being deceptive when he does not give us the full explanation. He is carrying our burdens.”

Children will inevitably encounter (if not directly experience) many results of the Fall. We can help them build a biblical framework by which they can make sense of their world by prioritizing God and His Word (see Deut. 6:6-7). But whatever happens, God doesn’t need us to expose them to sin to use them for His glory or equip them for every good work.

In the words of Corrie ten Boom’s father, as recounted in her wonderful book, The Hiding Place, “Some knowledge is too heavy for children.” Like God, who doesn’t tell us everything and never lies, we are not deceiving children by not telling them the full truth, which like a heavy suitcase, may be too heavy for them to bear. Tragically, some children come to knowledge before their time and witness or experience horrors they shouldn’t, but that’s not what God intended.

Shelter or exposure? It depends, but the man who fears God will avoid all extremes (Eccl. 7:18). Perhaps the best answer is not a one-size-fits-all formula but simply prayer and wisdom.