UPR: My Thoughts

During the 20th century, Carl Rogers played a key role in the development of humanistic psychology, namely person-centered therapy. He saw the therapeutic relationship as central to the counseling process, involving three key elements: (1) genuineness, (2) unconditional positive regard, and (3) empathy.

The first and final aspects of person-centered therapy we might say are biblical. We may not find these terms in Scripture, but we see the value and importance of integrity and compassion. We are told to listen (Prov. 18:13). We are taught to be “slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19). We are exhorted to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15), and as Christians we understand the need for fellowship (Heb. 10:24-25) and hope (Rom. 15:13).

Unconditional positive regard, on the other hand, or UPR, is a different story. It can be defined as unconditional love or acceptance in a therapeutic relationship. I was recently asked by a friend why I disagree with this element of Rogers’ psychology. This was my answer.

First, unconditional love is biblical. We could not ask for a better example in Jesus of what it means to love one another (Jn. 13:15, 1 Jn. 4:10). He loved sacrificially (Jn. 15:13). He teaches in Mark 12:31 that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves and in John 13:34-35 that we are to love as He has loved us. By this all men will know that we are His disciples. Both inside and outside counseling, having a non-condemning attitude can put others at ease and allow them to share without a fear of being judged. It can promote honesty and even confession and helps to build trust in relationships. UPR is different.

While Rogers was right on the importance of genuineness and empathy, even secular authors and resources understand how UPR can be problematic. In marriage counseling, for example, couples may want a counselor to do more than just listen or affirm. They may need someone to instruct and actually counsel them and tell them the truth. Others may be tired of wasting time by trying to solve their problems on their own and want some advice. When a person is making wrong or unhealthy choices, without wisdom and balance, UPR could prolong this. Even in friendships, we want someone who can be patient with us but also tell us the truth.

UPR can also be a slippery slope and easily lead to moral subjectivism. Two people with conflicting facts, stories, or positions cannot both be right. We should be able to love and care for someone, be nonjudgmental, and promote a person’s well-being without affirming their wrong choices. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth (1 Cor. 13:6). Love speaks the truth with gentleness and respect, even when it is hard. Jesus did not come to condemn the world but to save it (Jn. 3:17). At the same time, He says, “Go and sin no more” (Jn. 8:11).

UPR differs from what we understand as unconditional love because it includes being accepting and affirming even when a person’s actions are questionable. Acceptance is good (Rom. 15:7) but not unconditional acceptance. At times we may be compelled to say that which someone may not want to hear. UPR assumes that people have everything in themselves needed to find and live a truly satisfying life, when we know that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jer. 17:9). The problem is that UPR starts from the unbiblical premise that we have good hearts, not sinful ones. Affirmation, compassion, acceptance, and seeking to know ourselves can be profitable, but we must start from a lens of truth.